My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
