how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
