I puked a lego.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
