Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
