I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
In America we eat man semen.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
