Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
