final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
