This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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