She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
