Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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