he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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