guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
smell my finger.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
