I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
