I wish I could punch you in the face.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
