my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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