Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
