i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He has the fingertips of a God
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
