how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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