i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
