You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
