I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
