I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
