So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
