But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
