Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
