If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
