I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
