I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
