but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
