btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
