i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you would pick up someone in the library
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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