you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
