i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
