I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
