i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
