cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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