the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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