So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
