I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
