I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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