So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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