I CAN MOONWALK!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
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