Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
