I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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