as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
