so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
