i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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