shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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