I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
