Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it's like iHOP with fire
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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