I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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