I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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