clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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